The Worthless Black Woman

Blac-Chyna-13Earlier today I received a text message from a friend requesting that I read an article he posted on Facebook and to give him my “view” on it once I read it. Of course my curiosity was stricken so I indulged. When I saw the title of the article I knew exactly where this was going; it was entitled “Why Black Men are NOT ATTRACTED to Nappy Haired Black Women” .The article was written by a black guy who obviously appreciates the “natural black woman”. In this particular instance they focused on natural hair, which means without chemicals such as a relaxer to straighten the hair. He shared the dialogue between himself and a room full of other black men, some of which were unable to appreciate a black woman’s natural kinky hair. I won’t do a review on this article; if you are interested, click the link above.

As I read through the article I was reminded of recent conversations that I’ve had with friends about this topic. As I stated in my response to his post, I am tired of defending black women to black men. For as long as I can remember I have heard –  “black women don’t know how to act”, “black women think they don’t need a man”, “black women don’t know how to treat a man” and so on and so forth. It has gotten old and it’s just flat-out ignorant.

I am far from a black heritage guru so I will leave the origin of this social issue in the black community to whomever that may be, but I would like to bring awareness to the media’s role in this matter as it continues to perpetuate this notion of the worthless black woman. “Crooked Smile” by J. Cole is the only current song I can think of that honors black women in a positive light. While he doesn’t blatantly specify that he is speaking to black women, I believe it’s inferred. Trey Songz, on the other hand, has a song titled “Foreign” wherein the entire song is about the overwhelming desire to pursue a foreign woman. Tupac is quoted in Ebrahim’s article, from a 1992 interview, saying  “black females are held lower of the totem pole than anybody” – did you catch the year? Before foreign women were the commodity it was white women. Chris Brown’s “Loyal” is also degrading to women by suggesting that we are so power/money hungry that we have no sense of morales (and dignity) and that we are undeserving of love or any form emotional attachment. Lil Wayne’s verse suggests, “why give a bi*ch a heart when she’d rather have a purse; why give a bi*ch an inch when she’d rather have nine….” I could go on and on, but my hope is that you smell what I’m cooking by now. The music industry is a primary contributor to the worthless black woman. 

Another media genre that contributes to the worthless black woman is black entertainment television; not BET, but black entertainment TV in general. How many women on reality television these days, or on television in general, are actually 100% natural (not including makeup)? The Basketball Wives? Housewives of _______? Love & Hip Hop? I can’t think of any. Look at Nicki Minaj and K. Michelle. These women have gotten surgeries left and right to achieve these unrealistic body images, and for what? To compete with one another for the attention of misogynistic men – the ones who write and rap lyrics such as the one mentioned above. As for the true talents like Nicki and K. Michelle, I guess that’s what it takes to make it in the cruel industry of hip hop and R & B music. Which says something in and of itself, that basically their talent alone isn’t sufficient. The housewives and hip hop girlfriends are the culprits of perpetuating the “black gold digging” stereotype because they show the world the abuse they are willing to endure and inflict on themselves for the sake of being with a certain caliber of a man or as they may say “for the check”. These women are sadly the face of black women in America. If not these women, it’s Olivia Pope of ABC’s Scandal who is, despite her intellect and beauty, a white man’s mistress.

Because this is what black men often see and bob their heads to, they believe this to be the true essence of the “real” black woman. I challenge black men to change their people, places, and situations if they are looking for a “real” black woman. The black women who are gentle-spirited, intelligent, maternal, ambitious, self-sufficient, self-disciplined, mentally healthy, who have the ability to submit, and know how to be supportive –  are probably not in the club every weekend. She is not showing her body parts on social media every five minutes. She is not spending every dime that she doesn’t have on Brazilian hair, acrylic nails, and the latest designer purse. She may be studying to further her education or learning how to better herself in general. She may be sleeping on Saturday night because  she has to go to church Sunday morning. She is surrounding herself with others who will help her grow into the woman that she wants to be.

Remember: You attract what you put out or promote…so if you seem to only attract a ghetto, uneducated, unsupportive, gold-digging, weave slinging, disloyal, black girl, it’s not because she’s black. It’s because you are a hood a**, social media flexin’, uneducated, fake watch wearing, disloyal black dude.  I will be called a black male basher for that last sentence despite what’s been said about me, considering the fact that I AM A WORTHY BLACK WOMAN

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343 thoughts on “The Worthless Black Woman

  1. Well I will be honest, of all my friends only the ones dating non-sista’s are married. The real reason is simple, we don’t have to. In other cultures you get a window of opportunity from high quality women. Sista’s won’t make you marry to start a family. Try that with an asian. Mexicans marry their women while still teenagers. Unattractive white women will take what they can get but the pretty ones will move along if we don’t put a ring on it, and follow through.

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    • We have to educate ourselves so that we won’t continue to fail due to a lack of knowledge .. For so long, since slavery, black women were not premitted to get too attached to a black man because she didn’t know if he would be sold off. Even though this was such a long time ago the teachings of being strong independent and the acceptance of giving birth to bastard children is generational… Not saying it shouldn’t be broken, but the only change that can actually help it is true religion…

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      • Hi, I must say I am not sure if I understand the conversation correctly. What are you talking about sista have to get educated – and slavery- black women did not get close to black men for fear of losing them- hum…. I am confused.

        Sista are educated. We are very loyal to our male friend, husband or mate.

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      • Religion is a bandaid for a broken leg. Religion is man made and is used to control the masses. A personal spiritual discovery is superior to any religiousity. Slavery I understand is most the sole contributor to our current situation, but the time has come for us not to use that as an excuse but as a motivator to stop living in fear and move forward faithfully, by changing our thoughts about our black lives and experience what the most High Creator meant for it to be.

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      • Black women and men were married in high numbers after slavery/before the Civil rights Era. I think part of the problem within the community is this constant BLAMING & DWELLING on SLAVERY. Stop blaming slavery and the white man for everything. there is nothing holding people back these days …except the past, obviously. Get with the times and stop making excuses.

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    • “Sista’s wont make you marry to start a family” – Dont generalize the whole black women society. No, skank ass women who just want a man and a baby will fuck you before you put a ring on it. Black, white, yellow, red. A woman of self worth and respect will need something more than a few good drinks and sex to want to have a family. There are plenty of examples of this in every culture and race. Black women are NOT the only people who will fuck and birth before a ring. Many women dont even want to get married but they want more than just the basics before starting a family. You definitely need to be educated on the unmarried births every year.

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    • fool, You must didn’t read the last sentence of thisessage. I’m a sistah and no man is getting a touch of this until I’m married. Stop dating trash. I know plenty of sistah’s who don’t have kids and aren’t whores. I know a lot of black men and women who are getting married.

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      • If you marry a black man, you put yourself at greater risk of being shot by white cops that are killing black men now. It’s your funeral, sista. You will die for men that won’t defend black women no matter what?

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    • You seem to be a reasonably intelligent man, but your statements are based on your social circle(s). I do not anyone-sista that fits your demeaning description.

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    • Tyrone have you fell and bumped your head…. there are plenty of white couples not married and have started families… I can’t say for other races cause I don’t know any personally… My husband and I were married after a year and a half of daring he’s African American I’m Haitian do were a black couple. I must admit I did tell him I would not date him for years and be his girlfriend either I was the one or it’s time we move on. A month later on a family vacation with his parents, his sibling her husband and children, my daughter from a previous relationship and his kids from previous relationship “He put a ring on it” exactly one month later we were married. So please stop judging every black woman based on the ones you’ve had the pleasure of being excited by.

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    • Well, Im a sista (with natural hair & no surgery) & Im married to a Black man thats always loved Black women & adores me. The same goes for friends of mine!

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    • That is a big generalization of multiple ethnic racial groups. I also say this as someone who thinks interracial relationships, like any other, can be beautiful. I’m a young lady who is Black and definitely want to be married (and not too far down the road either). I don’t know not one other young lady who is Black (who is more than an aquaintance to me) who doesn’t want to be married as well. Now that doesn’t mean that some of them aren’t willing to “shack up” and have kids out of wedlock. There are some pretty low expectations out there. Remember you can’t blame a lack of marriage on Black women if a Black men aren’t approaching them for marriage. No woman should have to “make” a man want to marry her. Either you find it worthwhile to make the commitment or don’t. You also have decided for yourself the worth or value of a partner. Personally, I will never live with or have children with a man I’m not married to. Let me make it clear that they’re Black men who do desire marriage but I’m talking to your point.

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  2. US census data from 2010 shows that only 30% to 40% of black men will ever marry and there are only 87 black men for every black woman. One in three of us black men will be incarcerated, and half of those for ten years or more. At any one time between 18 and 22 percent of black men are in prison. Eleven percent of married black men are married to white women and three percent of black men are married to women that are neither white nor black. 50 percent of black men with masters or doctorate degrees non-white women.

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    • Stop paying attention to the white man’s predictions of our race experience. They are not our Gods, they do not determine our destiny and purpose, only we do . Go within and create your own experience. Go within or do without. You are your own creator of your World!!!!

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    • Are you saying the ratio of black men to black women is 87:1 ?
      Most of your comment didn’t make sense, what are you trying to prove? Stop focusing on these random statistics and start focusing on making the right decisions for yourself.

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    • What? Can;t you stay out of jail? Just because white people (men and women) say that most black men are jailed, black men have given up and accepted that and will bow their nappy heads and go turn themselves in to the nearest jail? Wake up black males. Make your own fate. Be the masters of your own destiny. But frankly, I’ve given up on Black males. I don’t see them really going anywhere in life after everything I’ve seen.

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  3. The odds of a young black woman without going to college, with at least one child finding an educated black man that hasn’t been incarcerated, isn’t gay, isn’t a player, doesn’t prefer other races, and who can legally financially provide for you better than the government isn’t good. At best only 40% will marry, 11% won’t marry black, with 18% are off the market. 9% of black men have a bachelors degree, 5% have masters, and 2% have doctorate degrees. Black women have to compete with all other women to get these men and are ill equipped to do so. We get getto on their ass and the other women don’t so the good men get chased off. This is how we learned to act from our single mothers, single grandmothers and singles aunts. Our preachers even sleep around on us, with other members of US!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    • Are you a black man or non-black woman? Because when I hear statement like this, it’s sounds absolutely reckless. First of all, we are human beings, and as a human being we have individual personality. So, in essence this blanket statement- stating black women run educated black men to other races is thoughtless thinking. A black educated man makes his own choice of women to choose. Have watch reality shows? I have you notice the race? Have you notice the race reactions? I suggest you continue to live for truth.

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    • Correction to previous comment.

      Hi, are you a black man or non-black woman? Because when I hear statement like this, it’s sounds absolutely reckless. First of all, we are human beings, and as a human being we have individual personality. So, in essence this blanket statement- stating black women run educated black men to other races because we get ghetto ass’ is thoughtless thinking. A black educated man makes his own choice of women to choose. Have you watched reality shows? Have you noticed the races and their reactions on reality t.v.? Or better yet, have you watched Jerry Springer or the news? We all have individual personality regardless of our race, which gives us the ability to choose our direction. Please don’t put untruths accusations about black women in opened forum, especially if it lump a specific race in a negative category. Some humans like to hear the worst and believe them, and avoid seeking truth. I understand it is your opinions, but I am simply saying you have misquoted truth.

      Pleasant day and Happy New Year to you!

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  4. This doesn’t prove black women are unworthy. That’s a joke, black men just have low self esteem and self hate issues. I’m not standing in line for anybody’s little boy. A man isn’t locked into stereotypes about his own race. Malcolm X asked a great question, who taught us to hate ourselves? ?

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  5. I really have no respect for this article because 1) its written by a black woman. All women but especially black women do not know how to look at things objectively, to see things the way they are and NOT include themselves in the issue. For black women, if you talk about one, you’re speaking about all even your own mother. So with that ignorant mindset, not wanting to offend themselves, they refuse to look at themselves or black women honestly. I personally do not take issue with black hair. The issue is and will always be, the mouth of a black feMALE. Black femalrs act like men. Loud disrespectful, drama too much attitude, very immoral just to name a few. And its becsuse of these emasculating qualities that their hair is made to be an issue. Black women refuse to accept that THEIR conduct is what perpetuate the negative perception of black women. While these reality shows assist, the black women on these shows are behaving the way black women are known to behave! Black women play these roles. They pride themselves on behavior that is degrading toward themselves. And while Lil Wayne and other do add to it, they speak THEIR reality which is most mens reality because of dealing with black feMALES. So this article is garbage to me and look at the picture she posted at the top of the article! A weave toting booty flaunting black woman… oh feMALE! They wear the hair of another race promoting their OWN low self esteem. And flaunting thr ONLY thing that they feel that they have going for them. I applauded the one thats going natural but what about INNER CHANGE! Personality, moral behavior changes? Black women pride themselves on being mouthy and call that “Independent” or a “strong black woman” when the rreality is, a STRONG woman CONTROLS her emotions, behave like a lady, not sexually promiscuous, take pride in their bodies by eating right and exercising and not obese! But, as with this writer, black feMALES want to blame EVRRYBODY ELSE for their behavior and refuse to accept responsibility. Black men go to other race women because they behave more like ladies, are less resistant… lovable. Black women say we go to other races because we can walk all over them. Well, I dont see the other race women complaining! So how is that argument working out for you? Still lonely, alone and these ni good men, as yall say are MARRYING other race women…. Why? Wake up black women… wake up

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    • I see you are one of the ignorant one’s…. I guess u figure black women should be seen and not heard… Typical ” controlling ” black man, probably a woman beater/abuser

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      • @thoughtsof a black man……I see you are one of the ignorant one’s…. I guess u figure black women should be seen and not heard… Typical ” controlling ” black man, probably a woman beater/abuser

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    • I can’t even finish reading your ignorance about lumping all black women in the same category, as this shows your true essence, which is an excuse to date outside your race. Damn your irresponsible soul needs a healing.

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    • Look at things objectively… hum… and how are you looking at this article? certainly not objectively nor a form of reality.

      I can’t even finish reading your ignorance about lumping all black women in the same category, as this shows your true essence, which is an excuse to date outside your race. Damn your irresponsible soul needs a healing.

      You are scary Mr. Inhuman citizen

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    • I cant sit here and pretend that alot of black women dont have the negative qualities that you hear all the time. Most sterotypes have a certain amount of truth to them. HOWEVER once you understand WHY our women act the way they act you realize that the LAST thing you should be doing is trying to marry other races of women, ESPECIALLY white women. One of the biggest mistakes we as black people make in our assessment of our behavior is that we think the development of someones personality exists in a vacuum. When in reality personality and social behaviors develop within a certain social economic and political context. Black people in general are being raised under white supremacy. White supremacy effects our ENTIRE life circumstances so much so that it is very dangerous that most of us dont even really believe it exists. Its like having Aids and not knowing it. White supremacy is at the ROOT of pretty much all behavirial issues in the black community including the issues with black women. A concrete example of this is 1)white supremacy deliberitely economically deprives the black masses 2) black women in turn use their bodies and sex to try to climb out of poverty 3) a ho “culture” develops out of so many black women doing this. Another concrete example is 1) white supremacy economically deprives black people 2)black men are unable to play their manly role as provider 3)black women then dont want to “submit” to black men and lose respect for them. We need to learn how to discern between the SYMPTOMS of problem and the CAUSES of the problem. If not then we get caught up in cycle of anti black sentiments that just further perpectuate the problem. So when I hear a song like “these hos aint loyal” is that alot of truth to that? Yes there is and anyone who says otherwise is not being objective. HOWEVER i understand WHY its that way and so I dont grow to hate my own race of women like so many black men do. I actually LOVE black women because i UNDERSTAND black women. Thats why they call it love and understanding.

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    • I think you missed the concept of what was being stated, first and far most every black woman us not loud, and men are intimidated because we can stand on our own 2 feet not jump off a bridge wen a man leaves us, so yes we speak up but any woman with common sense should speak up, and white women are not quiet neither asians, i have seen them all act a fool when needs be so stop the stereotype..

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      • This is silly, girl. I think you are part of the reason black men date other races. The fact that women of other races act foolish, whorish, roudy, etc…isn’t justification for us to do it. Black women should be assertive, but that doesn’t equate to being loud, rude, & imposing. If you don’t fit the stereotypes, move on. That’s what I’m choosing to do.Most the men complaining about black women aren’t the ones worth having anyway. Now, if you do fit the stereotype, don’t justify it.

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      • For some reason people are stereotyping and labeling people the human race shouldn’t be labelized because we are truly beautiful creatures looking for happiness acceptance and most of all Love if you take a step outside of what’s accepted you will see that’s is about how your brought values that’s is and isn’t instilled ethics that should be taught and its goes generations back people like animals in the wild adapt to there surroundings everyone yearns to fit in and more then often tend to get lead astray and caught up in materialistic values its sad but no matter the race it’s the up bringing because I’ve dealt with several races female and male a lot of people are lost and a lot aren’t. all different races. I don’t have a no fancy degree and neither does my husband but we both started together from the bottom we support each other’s dreams and goals he’s 27 im 30 our ultimate goal is to be happy and comfortable I come straight from the ghetto but I still know how to conduct myself accordingly stereotypes truly holds no weight with me because we all are individuals who see the world through different eyes

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    • You are an uneducated, self hating jackass who obviously looks in the mirror and is bothered by your own reflection. You are so ignorant that you don’t realize that black people are coveted among all races. Tupac, A BLACK MAN, said it best “they all want to be like us,” but some of us are so ignorant that they don’t see the lengths the other races have taken to imitate US because they want to be and be with the black people not just the black men. But We aren’t happy in OUR own skin so We feel a need to change our looks to mimic those who secretly or not so secretly, hate and fear black people. The way your generalizing black women is the same way other races generalize black people not just women. For instance, when the white women comes near a black man and clutches her pocketbook or when police harass a black men because to them OUR DARK SKIN means WE ARE LIARS, THIEVES, RAPISTS, MURDERS,DRUG DEALERS, ETC. I feel sorry for because your lack of knowledge aka IGNORANCE only perpetuates self-hatred. YOU ARE APART OF THE PROBLEM AND YOU DON’T EVEN REALIZE IT. The reason other cultures make it further in life because they, for the most part, stick together even when they are wrong. We think we found a prize in another race but they know they found one in US because WE ARE THE CREAM OF THE CROP if only we knew it or even acted like it

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    • Coming from a sad, pathetic, self-hating black man or a white women lol. You two deserve each other. Most black men I see with white women look feminine and are usually undercover gays, in fact I know a few so be careful white women. A lot of it boils down to sexual fantasies and what white woman allow in the bedroom, trust me! (If he wants butt sex then there’s your cue, run) Anyway, I think it’s time sisters leave these sorry arse black men and explore other races. Other races are much more assure of themselves and more manly then any weak black man will ever be. Omg! Black men have no confidence it’s not even funny! Think about this one guys when have you ever in history heard a white or non-black man diss their race when dating outside it, you will never hear a white man slam down a white women even if he loves black women to bits. Why because his mum’s white and his got white family members and most important he’s white dah!!! Only a scumbag of the earth black man does this!!! Wake up sisters and give the one who will love you right a chance… And this is coming from a black natural haired sister whom is very proud of being a black woman, no matter how you try to talk down about us nothing can change the fact that I love who I am. I love being a black woman and all the drama that comes with it hehehe, the most talked about women on the planet…. Strong, educated, poewrful, sexy, spiritusl and ready to take over the world.

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    • I definitely think black women should take responsibility for their own actions. However, you form your own opinion. Do you not realize sistahs could do the same thing? There are a surplus of useless, baby daddy, ignorant, black thugs that are a far cry from being A good husband. Yet, we don’t perceive all of you as being that way. It’s not that we can’t look honestly at ourselves, but when you say black women are all of the above, you’re not judging honestly; you’re judging partially. How the heck can you say we make it personal. Well, yes there is the ghetto, bad attitude, baby mama, etc…woman walking around, but I can’t help but to respond that there are virtuous, smart, women who will be great wives and mothers one day and many of which are and YES they are black. So just because we don’t feed into the complaints that you have doesn’t mean we are not being honest. We know there are worthless black women but black men are great at acting like the contrary doesn’t exist. I see it everyday so it’s not just personal. It is a reality. You just ignore it.

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    • Sorry to burst your bubble (actually I’m not) but you really need to learn to use proper pronouns when speaking on such things. SOME black women, and I’m guessing YOU just happen know a lot of trashy, women in general. But don’t dare use a paint brush effect to speak about so many women. That is why it seems like they cannot separate the different types of black women. Not that they cannot, but it is because idiots like you speak in such generalities that it takes them to another level, as it would ANY INTELLIGENT and SOCIALLY OBSERVANT individual. You are entitled to your ignorance since this is a free country, but your words are NOT the gospel, you have NOT met all black women and they are NOT all the same. So while you are asking them to awake from their societal slumber, maybe you should try the same darlin’?
      Oh, and those same black women are usually the ones to stand by men who don’t value them, as they have NOTHING, became SERIOUSLY ILL etc. But i guess that’s not worthy mentioning. And other races only stay if there’s something WORTH staying for…let that sink in.
      Personally i don’t see the big deal about black men, so i don’t really care what you guys decide to do. I’ve never been one for controlling, ignorant, whores with a inferiority complex..oh wait, did i just generalize you ALL!?

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    • Lol this is complete and utter rubbish. As a black FEMALE, I fail to attribute the behaviors you claim are indefinitely of black women to my own. Bare in mind that “black women” are all over. Never you be stupid enough to generalize the behavior of the “typical” or stereotypical black AMERICAN woman with black women of other nations. There is a big difference; an entirely different cup of tea. And please, think before you speak, and you won’t make a fool of yourself.

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    • LMAO!!! I can’t help but laugh ’cause did anyone writing the negative comments actually read what she wrote? Not paying attention and not reading and you make yourselves look ignorant. Nothing she said was bad or directed towards anybody except…”Remember: You attract what you put out or promote…so if you seem to only attract a ghetto, uneducated, un-supportive, gold-digging, weave slinging, disloyal, black girl, it’s not because she’s black. It’s because you are a hood a**, social media flexin’, uneducated, fake watch wearing, disloyal black dude.” That’s it, that’s all! Then you read half the comments and half the words are misspelled, you see anger in the replies, why? The truth hurts but it didn’t come from DRE’ XOLANI. She talks about bad media, bad music, bad socioeconomically misinformed people in general. Most of the people on here listen, look at or read into all the “crap” that she talks about. Let’s not hold her in contempt but, all the negative ways we as people are portrayed in the different media outlets….smdh.

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      • Who cares that some of us mispelled a few words. I know of professors who will stop a lecture to ask the class how to spell an average word. That is what the spelling and grammar feature is for. When I wrote my comment I didnt edit or rehearse it because I was sitting at the nurse station at work. I was admitted to nursing without having to take the entrance exam based off my transcripts in healthcare administration. I notice way more black women getting degrees. My own mother went back and earned a bachelors then masters and my sister to and I have five semesters. And I like weave because I like big hair and I love my real hair too and everyone ask why I wear weave since i grew my hair. So if some dumb negroe judges that I must be bald he is ignorant. And I tell you this if I did have short hair I could rock it. And I have because Im a fly girl. And look at you. Eeewwwww.

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  6. As a black male with sisters I get very concerned wen I read posts like this. There is nothing wrong with the black female or any female of any race. I see my sisters going after guys they should never waste time with or putting up with shit they should never. I consider myself over educated and a nerd any was ignored by black women growing up because I cared more about reading, math, and sciences rather than being the baddest MF in the room. I grew up in the hood so its natural that the women would look for someone who can survive in that environment, there was no one in the home teaching them to look beyond the moment. This is not an issue limited to the black home but its an issue you will see in lower income homes around the world. The less you have the more your view of the world becomes shorter and in the moment.

    What is often viewed as a race issue is actually a class issue. Poor white/black/purple/blue women will largely act the same. Women of the middle class will act similar and the rich the same. We simply self-segregate for comfort and survival. Emotional connections are far stronger and physical connections. If you are looking for someone simply because they are of the same race it is not going to work. You have to find an emotional connection. If you grow up in a home without emotionally connected parents then you don’t learn that until you are older sometimes much older.

    When black men go to college they are largely surrounded by women of other races who are very comfortable in the environment where else the minority women are sometimes out of their element an have to spend far more energy trying to adjust into the new environment (the right thing to do). For the white/asian/hispanic middle and upper class women who are interested in black men are largely for the first time in an environment where there are eligible black men they can take home to mom and dad. While lower middle class and poor women still have the natural instinct to find a surviver/fighter. For the most part those guys are more in college or are there but masked by their nerd half.

    Black guys who say they wouldn’t date a black girl because of some stereotype are projecting some insecurities due to some experience. Many of these guys like by self suffered many rejections growing up and it take an emotional toll that not everyone can overcome. Most people will not experience most of their emotional growth when they live the home so if you want to meet an educated black man you need to find them in those formative years (in college) and grow with them. After college it get exponentially more difficult for all men and women.

    I found my future wife in college (white/asian/native american), We are together because we had mutual friends and she let me know early on she wanted to be with me although i insisted i was too busy for a GF. She didn’t care and was willing to invest even when i wans’t. She wasn’t desperate she just knew what she wanted, an intelligent and ambitious man who happened to be black. Many of the black women I found attractive wanted the meat heads. I have nothing against them since i am sometimes mistaken for one. If you want an ambitious educated black man looking for a serious relationship then go where they are not where you want them to be.

    Go after what you want. If you want a hood ni*** then stop complaining about the guys dating non black women. In general stop complaining another other people and their happiness. If you wouldn’t give the guy the time of day if he was single then stop hatting. Also some guys have certain physical attributes that they are attracted to in a woman. Some women can wear the fro and some can wear a short cut and not all women look great in long hair.

    Women should so what makes them happy and if it attracts hood ni**** then change it up. If you hangout where all the hood ni**** are then don’t complain that you never meet educated men. If you turn down educated men because they are boring then don’t hate the white women that married the boring guy. Be happy that he won’t be bothering you anymore. If you go a bar and you see a guy alone go introduce yourself, sometimes we are a little shy or simply inside our own minds and didn’t notice. A simple hey how are you doing can go a long way or offer to buy him a drink instead of asking for a drink. Chances are he will buy you drink and his drink and buy your drinks the rest of the night, that’s what i would do. We can’t always help who we fall in love with but helping us understand that my future and your future plans are additive will go a long way. If you want to get married you should tell the guy you are with so that he knows your expectations. If you are giving it up on the first date and wondering why it never gets deep emotionally then you should examine your actions.

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    • Good post brother. I am married to white woman as well but I’ve always maintained that it was never an effort on my part actively seek out white women I just simply did not exclude them from my list of options. I know its frustrating when good successful black women cant find black men that are there equals but they just need to understand that not brother with white girl suffers from some insecurity, is an uncle Tom, or hates himself.

      Speaking from my own experience, I see black women all the time who may have made a suitable wife for me but its about timing. I met my wife when I met her and it went from there. I also understand that, as some have said here, its more about class and social circles then a general problem with all black women. I don’t socialize with ghetto uneducated people, period. I don’t have the patience for it. That being said, I know where to find a good black woman and I know they exist should that ever become a priority for me.

      As for now, I’m happily married and very secure about myself, my politics, and my relationship

      Liked by 1 person

  7. @Black Irish
    Well said. Very well said. I am happy you jave found lpve where you found it. I must say your words are true. As a singlemother who raised or is raising my daughter who is a wonderful 17 year old youg lady who loves God. I want better for her in her relationships than i had. To achieve this I had to look at myself better yet I had to let her see me and let her see the consequences of some of my bad decisions. I have be open and honest with her. I have raised her teaching her the concept of what a Proverbs 31 woman is…….does she wear weave? …..YES. Is she ok without it yes…..her hair is 100% natural and so is mine……The funny thing is when we are out together her with her natural twist out and me with my glorious shortcut; we are approached by men of other races. I find it true. Many black men will stand and look from a distance. I said all that to get to one point. We as women must do two things if we want a good man of any race. We must love ourselves and know our self worth. In the end through our words,actions,body language and style of dress will tell a man all he needs to know about us before he ever has the first conversation.

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  8. Okay, I usually do not comment on anyone’s blog, yet I will try and get to my point quickly. One thing that I will not do is try and rewrite your thoughts as so many do when subjects like this are posted. Nor will I try to downplay what you typed because I may not agree with it, nor try to control you through hostile and unnecessary banter by writing a books worth of comments when I could just move on to the next one, ultimately making myself look foolish because my arrogance and desire to look intelligent and powerful in front of a computer screen deludes me to think that my opinions matter to anyone BUT ME.

    It was a good read.

    Liked by 2 people

      • My current age allows me to realize u cannot fix anything starting in the middle u must start@ the beginning to understand what u are taking about in the first place secondly black people never learned to discuss in the first place they know how to argue u must discuss u must have common sense conversation in an effort to understand anything again u cannot start in the middle now this is going to take a minute so bear with me,my grandfather was born in 1900 and became a holiness minister this intrigued me which led me to do the research i don’t know how old my great- grandmother was when she gave birth to my grandfather but let’s say she was 20 that would have made my great grandmother born in 1880,now since i know it was against the white law for blacks to be educated how did my grandfather become a holiness minister?now it’s no doubt someone who was educated read the bible to blacks and there have been problems since,now i understand this will rub a lot of people raw but remember i did the research u started in the middle

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  9. I have to agree with blackish. Most of my adult life was spent with women who aren’t black due to a lot of negative experiences in my teens. I didn’t grow up in America and although I look african American I am mixed raised by a British mother.

    I found black women from America brash, aggressive, loud, materialistic and a lot of other things that are quite stereotypical for black women, this was my reality and not gleaned from media.
    I married a white German and stayed with her for 2 decades quite happily. I recently started dating black women but Africans and not Americans because there is a huge personality difference between the women despite the same ethnicity.

    For the first time in almost 30 years I’m returning to the U.S.and looking for a partner and now it looks worse than ever. Women I’m interested in (black) want white guys or are simply hyper aggressive and not what I’m looking for or I’m not what their looking for as a non degree holder.

    There are massive issues in the black male camp but black women have real issues they also need to deal with. We are a messed up people who in the end need each other to balance the scale. Took me a while to realize this, if we can as an ethnicity is something else…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Men will always go where they can be happy. If you can’t make them happy or at least content, then the problem is not with the men. Black women have been complaining for 40 years without solution. Start with that woman in the mirror first.

    Men don’t watch or support those ‘Wives’ type reality show so whose watching it and then attempting to mimic that behavior in the real world? Solange wasn’t a hood rat lol…

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  11. Pingback: The Worthless Black Woman | My Blog

  12. Please stop writing about this stuff and giving it any airplay, we need more positive post about what black women are becoming… Who cares what black men think anyway, only the black woman who they couldn’t give two shits about seem to. It’s 2015, time for a different story from our sisters… Lets speak about how we’re, happy, alive, gogetters, the most educated and not to mention breathing against all the stones the world has thrown at us. You become what you attract if you don’t want to associate with this stuff stop listening and watching it, simple. It’s articles like this that give this subject matter attention in the first instance… How do you even know what these crap, uneducated rappers are saying, because I will never listen to something that degrades me in anyway, shape or form. Self respect sisters it’s easy! We don’t need to bow down and become submissive; all the flaws in us the blackman hates is the weakness in him…

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  13. There is very little black women in this world that is worthless. Misguided…sure! But never worthless. And I wish women would stand up more for one another to direct men to have a more precise understanding of who we are as collective. Be it the good and bad…black men need to love us! Not put us on blast. Uber ignorant…this article!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I don’t normally get involved in conversations like this but I felt compelled to say something. For the record I am a black man.
    I tend to find that people from black and ethnic minority races tend have the most racist tendencies. The difference is they can say what they want without any ramifications. Imagine that there was a blog where white men where bashing white women for marrying from black and ethnic minority races, there would be a public outcry. Although there are various stereotypes, I as a black man have dated women from various races. My personal experiences has made me more weary of black women with certain tendencies however I’m not so fussed with a persons race, I’m more concerned with the personality and their compartability with myself. I am currently with an Asian lady and have been with her for many years but I could have very easily ended up with someone from anyother race if I had meet someone else that matched me earlier. My observation is that a lot of black women are focusing on black men when they should be focusing on good men. I focused on a good woman not a black woman, there by not limiting my opportunity of finding the most compartible woman for me. The world is a very big community, try stepping out of your comfort zone. Within certain communities it is frowned upon for a person to be stepping out with someone of a different race. This has been passed down from generation to generation similar to the stories of our subjugation at the hands of the white slave masters. The history is very important to know where we are coming from, but we should not let that hold us back from where we want to go. Every individual must choose there own part in life. We can’t all tow the same line, look the same and only marry people who look like us. That thinking is ignorant and belongs in the past. That only leads to further segregation. I too have been guilty of feeling this way in the past when all of my associates where from a particular demographic. I have since then diversified my associates and try to see things from various perspectives. That is the only way we can improve ourselves. People always fear what they don’t understand but knowledge kills that fear and stops people from overreacting.
    Some of the comments I have read here don’t sound very far off from the kkk and nazi views. Some people would probably make judgement and snide remarks when they see a black man walking down the road with a white or Asian woman. If I was a single man now and I saw a beautiful black woman with a man of a different race I would probably think to myself, luck bastard, because he got there before me. The same would apply if she was of any other race. My guess is that this is more of (but not solely) an American thing because the racial tension is not as turbulent in The UK as it is in certain parts of the US ( from what I’ve seen in the news lately).
    You ladies just need to take a chill pill and stop focusing on who is with what race. Better still try to stop seeing race at all (easier said than done, but try). I might be wrong but I don’t think Dr. King had a dream of a world where white people (I know not all white people feel that way) are more tolerant and black people become the intolerant ones. Black men are stereotyped as thugs so I try not to conform to that stereotype. Likewise ladies (and I appreciate that most of you probably are not this way inclined) if there is a stereotype for black ladies which is something that you don’t like then simply don’t conform to that stereotype and people will take the time to see you for who you really are and what you have to offer. If they still don’t, then they are not worth your time.
    We are all humans. Most of the injustice I have encountered in my life has been from my fellow black people. We should try to be better people and stop giving so much of our time and energy to such negativity. White, black, Hispanic, Asian who cares. Marry who you want. Be who you want. One love one world

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  15. Wow!! I read most of the comments and OMG!! I’m not going to get all political…hell I’m not even gonna use proper grammar. Im not gonna make an excuse or give reason.
    I am a nappy headed beautiful BLACK women. I don’t wear make up, fake nails eye lashes etc. I am Lea!! I will never hate myself for being that. The world will come up with a million reasons to why they THINK I am not worthy “for love” as the fool said previously however, this is not my truth!! You will not characterize me with a group of women you happen to see when you went to the hood on Tuesday. You did not see ME!! Now I will agree that DAMN us as a black are lost at this moment, allowing rap songs and television to determine YOUR definition of what kind of women YOU should want. But like I said…YOU. Me on the other hand I will not allow ignorant comments make me be or do something I am not …other races go through great lengths to be black everyday, but here you are black and trying to figure out how to degrade us. It’s unfortunate you will never see the good in ANY BODY because your too busy trying to find the bad. As for the black women who have posted, I love yall and continue to be you. I am proud of the women God has made you to be!!
    ……with my bad grammar and all!! 😉

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  16. Please don’t blame the victim. We live within a social context that deeply influences how we see ourselves and each other. Just as Black men are demeaned and degraded, so are Black women. Instead of talking about what we’re doing wrong, how about for 2015, we talk/do what we know will turn things around?

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  17. It saddens my heart to read most of these ignorant comments. Why can’t we all just be beautiful? Why do we have stereo type? Why do we have to be put into categories? Why can’t we like and dislike people because of the own personal actions why do we have to take into consideration of the sex, color, race and/or religion? My black husband (boyfriend or “baby’s daddy”) loves me and I love him. So people are pitiful. Your preferences is yours but why down play black woman when more than likely a black woman carried you and cared for you? Smh!

    Like

  18. 1. I am a thirty something married black female who has never been pregnant therefore I have no children.
    2. My husband was made well aware from day one that I’m not going to be your 5 year girlfriend or “baby momma” and my intention for dating was to marry.
    3. I don’t know about anyone else here or the circles you travel in, but I tend to stick with those who have similar goals and mind sets as my own.
    4. I have NEVER viewed myself negatively due to the media and music industry. I see it for what it is, entertainment.
    5. Self respect is a product of loving yourself. I love myself because first my father loved me and my mother , though my parents never married and did not stay together allowed my father to be an uninterrupted part of my life.
    6. All this bs self hatred is a product of people who have never been loved so they don’t love themselves and a far from knowing how to love anyone else.
    7. Morality in America is a thing of the past and people are so busy chasing dollars that they forget the real focus, family.

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  19. Black females need to stop having so many baby dad’s. They need to stop being lazy and get on welfare. They need to take better care of their children. Black women are worthless. And I am black

    Like

  20. I’m a black male and I’ve talked to diff races of women and I still prefer a black woman as my wife for the fact that a black woman is more suitable to understand the kind of support a black man needs in this society. Despite the negative imagery of black women, there are plenty sistas out there who do have a good head on their shoulders but let’s be real, a large amount of black women do operate in this way that is described by these rappers. These rappers know because they are preyed on by these women. I’m a regular guy with a degree and a regular job and I even encountered these types of blk women. This is where I disagree with the article as it is a prime example of how blk women refuse to be honest with themselves. They blame the baby daddy, their family, their boss, or even the media instead of raising self – awareness. Black women can complain about blk men but when blk men complain blk women it’s a problem and blame is shifted to whatever. The issue here is accountability. If blk women hold themselves more accountable then they will more likely avoid or prevent the situations they are in. The blk woman that blames and doesn’t want to acknowledge the issue will likely repeat the same bad decisions and expect some man to come fix them. This not only holds to blk women but blk men as well. We as a race need to hold ourselves and each other more accountable for relations to get better. If I have a daughter I will teach her to hold herself accountable and to be a person of respect and direction .

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    • Sooooo agreeing with you. I’m a 24 y/o blk woman with no children and engaged. My “friends” will not accept any characters flaws. They don’t want to admit they go through what they went through because themselves. Maybe because we were raised different. ALL of the women and men in my family are married besides a few of the younger generation. But every relationship I’ve I had I changed something about myself. Most black women want to blame the man but every relationship has 2 people in it. Some things you go through is because you allowed it. If you don’t like it then tell them you don’t accept it and if they don’t change leave. Black women rather stay and be “down” but women like me are like “time to go and find someone else”.

      I always said I wanted to get married and have children afterward. A lot of black women don’t make that a priority. They think it’s ok to have kids with a bf and it isn’t. Then give a man everything like she’s his wife. I would tell my friends every guy that is your bf doesn’t deserve to have your body. I can only only state from the black women I grew up with in the “hood” . They gave up sex soooo easily especially the girls that came from single moms. Any guy that said “we go together” they was having sex with. Then those guys would treat them like crap and they would still want them and chase after them . Then say all men are no good. They in time will get this harden shell of what they think men are about and treat every relationship the same. Instead of growing into a more confident woman who is realizing she keeps go about the same relationship, with same guys expecting different results, they just blames men. Most of the time they end up pregnant by these no good men. But then you have to go back to their mothers. Guess what?? It’s the samething!

      I know it’s black men out there that ignore good black women and get with no good women as well. But while you’re complaining about that make sure you’re a good black woman. And if you are is he really a good black man? A good black man will acknowledge you even if you aren’t his type. My current fiancee isn’t the only man who talked to me about marriage. Every guy I have dated told me I was wife material. Why? Because I don’t mess with knuckle heads. I look for men who will make good fathers and husbands. Who have not only potential but drive to be great men and I push them to be great. Once you lose that drive and get comfortable you’re gone.

      I’ve said all this to say. BLACK WOMEN GROW UP AND REALIZE YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY! Men treat you how you are shown you accept to be treated like. Most black men don’t hate black women they just don’t like how you discard good black men for these knuckle heads. Or how you treat good black men like they’re nothing.

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  21. The same things can be said about black men. Many of you call women every name in the book but what God has called the hebrew woman. You are also loud in the streets, malls, and your cars with your boomen system even at 50 years old. Many are uneducated and dont speak well. Many walking around with pants down showing their bare behinds. Many are violent and kill one another with guns and hammers and knifes. Many donot take care of their children either. Many put down black women rig ht in front of racist people. And it is done with no shame and your so embarassing on tv parading your ignorance and hatred toward your own mo thers, grandmothers, daughters, sisters, nieces, grandaughters, and aunties ruthlessly. If a black woman wants to straighten her hair, cut it, curl it, flip it, feather it, french roll it, or braid it thT is her right and it doesnt mean we want to be white. Please, get real with yourselves. Does a white woman want to be black when she sprays on a tan or bakes in the sun. I know for a fact they start their little girls tanning around age 6. When they get lip injections for 40.00 are they trying to be black. Not to mention butt jobs with fat injections and silicone breast. Most white women in hollywood end up looking plastic. White women I know wear weaves Im sorry hair pieces. Are they trying to be black when they get on tv and steal the black womens style trying to dance rap and sang like black women. Is the black man the new white kkk. Sure does feel like it. I dont care what your preferance is. Its plenty of options left for me including real black men though far in between. I love my weave and my own hair is down my back. And I have worn it short. Men of all races want me and Im brown tone and I really do love it like some pf you love pale or pink skin and yellow hair. People who look nothing like you is who you flunt. Because of black men I have these white women flippen their flee bitten hair in my face. Its a shame. They give me problems at work too and I am quite dont bother anyone. White asian and hispanic men approach. A group pf jamacians and white men were fighting over me just recently. But i just like black men though Ive dated out. My ex was dark skinned and all he talked about was the white man. He say dark men couldnt get no attention until Jodeci came out. I found out he got him a pale skin yellow hair latino. Around that time he started calling women ratchet and talking wi th a white dialecte. Thats weak and I wish I knew he hated himself instead of ignoring the signs. And he listens to rap. I dont listen to rap or some r&b since its not me they aren singing to. Im a girly girl who is articulate wi th one son who is a young adult. Im almost done wi th a healthcare administration degree. I will never be alone. I have black males as family and I have seen this self hatred. White people have done a good job. Way to go Willie Lynch. Now white women sayen nigga too. Its disgusting you know but I will rise above it.

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  22. I guess I’m a weave slinger!! LMAO. Didn’t know acrylic nails and lashes on occasion were bad. I have a phobia of real, unpainted nails. Sorry. My bffl doesn’t respect weave wearers either but trips when stylists cut her hair instead of a trim. Extensions let me change color and length whenever I want.

    Women enhancing themselves externally has nothing to do with how men treat them. If his a jerk, he’s a jerk. If he’s a good dude then he’s a good dude. He saw something he liked or pretended to.

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  23. Honestly, I have to respectfully disagree with parts of this article. I think it’s very preachy & stereotyping black woman; both the natural woman, and the woman who chooses to not be natural. I think to assume that a woman who chooses to wear weave, who enjoys the finer things isn’t capable of being loving, supportive and being a woman of substance is a problem. Maybe she enjoys getting her nails done & buying the latest purse especially if she can afford it. She can be very educated, spiritual & waiting for her Boaz. She can be educated, be very intellectual, very open minded & still enjoy her body, enjoy her sexuality, enjoy getting a weave or even be a single mother.

    I think we can all enjoy rachet reality tv and still be able to have meaningful dialogue about what’s going on in the world. I think black women can be able to listen to Trey Songz, Chris Brown & Lil wayne, and still know & understand her worth. She will know that she is more than those words and take it with a grain of salt.She can watch RHOFA, L&HH and know that it is simply television.

    Woman who choose to be natural are not always of better quality either. Just because you attend church and aren’t attached to social media, does not mean you automatically make the perfect woman. It doesn’t mean you will completely love yourself. Doesn’t mean you are of any better “quality”. Self love comes in many many forms, just like black women.

    I think we need to stop putting ourselves in one box or another because we all have something to offer ourselves, society & our men (no matter what color we choose)

    Like

  24. All this bull shit because of the white man
    And you not knowing who you are
    Black people this is who you really are
    Your from

    The 12 Tribes of Israel

    Judah – African American or so called Negros
    Ephraim – Puerto Ricans
    Manasseh – Black Cubans
    Benjamin – West Indian Jamaica Black
    Issachar- Mexican Aztecs
    Levi – Haitians
    Naphtali – Hawaiians/Samoans
    Reuben- Seminole Indians
    Zebulon – Panama/Columbia Mayans
    Asher – Brazil/Argentina
    Simeon – Dominicans
    Gad- Native-American Indians

    Black men/women…why are you still sleeping? It’s time for you to WAKE UP AND KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE. You are the chosen people referred to in the Bible as the Direct Descendants of the REAL Hebrew Israelites who will be the ones to bring the truth to the “gentiles” during the return of the “Yeshua”, Jesus the Messiah.

    So who are the ones currently calling themselves the Jews? They are called descendants of the Khazars Edomites or Ashkenazi referred to in the Bible. What is God going to do with them? In Revelation 3:9, it says, “Behold, I will make them of the synagogue of Satan (Khazars Edomites Ashkenazi so called Jews), which say they are Jews, and are not, but do lie; behold, I (Jesus) will make them to come worship before thy feet (Black men/women- the TRUE Hebrew Israelite descendants), and to know that I have loved thee…

    Yeshua (Jesus) is coming Count Down………….

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  25. I understand where this writer is coming from. She is writing about the general view of black women. It’s true that you can tell a person by the company they keep, which is why there are so many who have taken offense to this post. The media has chosen to present Black women in a degrading manner and many people have accepted this. You know the saying, one bad apple? Well, ok. Also, it’s not just black women that have been portrayed in such a scandalous manner. When you hear someone say I have a Russian or a Phillipino wife what do you think? Yep, A desperate women. I’ve traveled enough to witness the degrading manner of women on a Whole. If women take the responsibility and change their way of thinking things might change.

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  26. Pingback: Worthless Black Woman | Our Hearts Intuition

  27. We group all blk women together because the excessive facial piercings identify the majority as sellout dykes. Who get abused by women but call the police on they men and sons even daughters. Blk women is trash and will always be considered a sellout faggot. Ugly ass gorilla

    Like

  28. well, that is very true, black women have a sense of worthless pride, they feel that they are above everybody.
    I live in the Republic of Botswana, a third world country near the southern tip of the African continent. Black women here, especially young ones (ages of 20 to 38), feel that they are superior to men. They always convey messages that suggest they have to be respected and be listened to at all times. When a typical Botswana lady comes across a man, she deliberately sends messages of total disrespect ; they starts mannerism, looking at a men ‘s shoes while showing a souer face. This stupid, senseless kind of act simply means ” who are you to talk to me? You dont have money, so get away” At least 80% of young ladies in Botswana are of this rude and senseless calibre. The bulk of these worthless ladies are simply college students, shop assistants, typists, secretaries working around businesses in Gabs, a significant portion of them are middle class professionals though. Their job here in Gaborone is simply to be gold diggers and parasites on men in the capital city.
    They are so stupid that they tend to judge a person through his outside appearance. If you happen to have left your car at home for whatever reason, you would be perceived by these idiots to be someone who does not have a car. I think young ladies in Botswana fall among the worst class in the world. If this is a third world problem, then Botswana is unfortunate to have seen the worst of this problem.
    However, crossing over to a neighboring country called South Africa, you see young ladies with a behavior that sharply contrasts their counterparts in Botswana. South African ladies are respectful and obedient to men. They don’t consider themselves superior to people of opposite sex. Even in relationships, they would come forward to a male partner and seek apologies after a disagreement rather than expecting to be treated like kings. If you are from outside Africa and want to date an African, I suggest that by all means avoid Botswana but rather try South African ladies. The nice, gorgeous and vibrant Batswana ladies are very few, it is thus hard to come across them because they are being obscured by the nasty idiots who are all over.

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