Earlier today I received a text message from a friend requesting that I read an article he posted on Facebook and to give him my “view” on it once I read it. Of course my curiosity was stricken so I indulged. When I saw the title of the article I knew exactly where this was going; it was entitled “Why Black Men are NOT ATTRACTED to Nappy Haired Black Women” .The article was written by a black guy who obviously appreciates the “natural black woman”. In this particular instance they focused on natural hair, which means without chemicals such as a relaxer to straighten the hair. He shared the dialogue between himself and a room full of other black men, some of which were unable to appreciate a black woman’s natural kinky hair. I won’t do a review on this article; if you are interested, click the link above.
As I read through the article I was reminded of recent conversations that I’ve had with friends about this topic. As I stated in my response to his post, I am tired of defending black women to black men. For as long as I can remember I have heard – “black women don’t know how to act”, “black women think they don’t need a man”, “black women don’t know how to treat a man” and so on and so forth. It has gotten old and it’s just flat-out ignorant.
I am far from a black heritage guru so I will leave the origin of this social issue in the black community to whomever that may be, but I would like to bring awareness to the media’s role in this matter as it continues to perpetuate this notion of the worthless black woman. “Crooked Smile” by J. Cole is the only current song I can think of that honors black women in a positive light. While he doesn’t blatantly specify that he is speaking to black women, I believe it’s inferred. Trey Songz, on the other hand, has a song titled “Foreign” wherein the entire song is about the overwhelming desire to pursue a foreign woman. Tupac is quoted in Ebrahim’s article, from a 1992 interview, saying “black females are held lower of the totem pole than anybody” – did you catch the year? Before foreign women were the commodity it was white women. Chris Brown’s “Loyal” is also degrading to women by suggesting that we are so power/money hungry that we have no sense of morales (and dignity) and that we are undeserving of love or any form emotional attachment. Lil Wayne’s verse suggests, “why give a bi*ch a heart when she’d rather have a purse; why give a bi*ch an inch when she’d rather have nine….” I could go on and on, but my hope is that you smell what I’m cooking by now. The music industry is a primary contributor to the worthless black woman.
Another media genre that contributes to the worthless black woman is black entertainment television; not BET, but black entertainment TV in general. How many women on reality television these days, or on television in general, are actually 100% natural (not including makeup)? The Basketball Wives? Housewives of _______? Love & Hip Hop? I can’t think of any. Look at Nicki Minaj and K. Michelle. These women have gotten surgeries left and right to achieve these unrealistic body images, and for what? To compete with one another for the attention of misogynistic men – the ones who write and rap lyrics such as the one mentioned above. As for the true talents like Nicki and K. Michelle, I guess that’s what it takes to make it in the cruel industry of hip hop and R & B music. Which says something in and of itself, that basically their talent alone isn’t sufficient. The housewives and hip hop girlfriends are the culprits of perpetuating the “black gold digging” stereotype because they show the world the abuse they are willing to endure and inflict on themselves for the sake of being with a certain caliber of a man or as they may say “for the check”. These women are sadly the face of black women in America. If not these women, it’s Olivia Pope of ABC’s Scandal who is, despite her intellect and beauty, a white man’s mistress.
Because this is what black men often see and bob their heads to, they believe this to be the true essence of the “real” black woman. I challenge black men to change their people, places, and situations if they are looking for a “real” black woman. The black women who are gentle-spirited, intelligent, maternal, ambitious, self-sufficient, self-disciplined, mentally healthy, who have the ability to submit, and know how to be supportive – are probably not in the club every weekend. She is not showing her body parts on social media every five minutes. She is not spending every dime that she doesn’t have on Brazilian hair, acrylic nails, and the latest designer purse. She may be studying to further her education or learning how to better herself in general. She may be sleeping on Saturday night because she has to go to church Sunday morning. She is surrounding herself with others who will help her grow into the woman that she wants to be.
Remember: You attract what you put out or promote…so if you seem to only attract a ghetto, uneducated, unsupportive, gold-digging, weave slinging, disloyal, black girl, it’s not because she’s black. It’s because you are a hood a**, social media flexin’, uneducated, fake watch wearing, disloyal black dude. I will be called a black male basher for that last sentence despite what’s been said about me, considering the fact that I AM A WORTHY BLACK WOMAN